The Weekly Weasel

Editor’s note: Weekly Weasel reporter Jessica Weasel, caught up with Arnold Schwarzenegger on the set of his new movie: Super-Liar I, The Awakening, and conducted the following interview. WW: Can you tell me how […]

A rich fat guy who represents himself as Steve Nash on basketball courts around Los Angeles is ruining Nash’s reputation for great ball-handling and passing skills.  Jerome Willis, a phenom […]

On September 23 of every year a group of men who referee low level football games get together for some hi-jinks in the City of Baltimore, but this year their antics were rudely and repeatedly interrupted by huge men in football uniforms who called themselves the Ravens and the Patriots.

The CIA is using unlawful forced boogie boarding techniques to squeeze information out of suspected Al Qaeda operatives in violation of the Geneva Convention, said the human rights organization, The Friends of Human Rights.

President Obama denied rumors he was punishing Vice President Joe Biden today for Biden’s recent controversial statements and said that the vice president has always had to clean up fecal matter.

When Free Syrian Army fighters take complete control of the country within the next six months, Syria’s 12-year experiment with dork rule will come to an end, experts say.

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney confused his distinguished audience when he inquired about “one of your Jewish tribes that immigrated to American thousands of years ago.”

For example,the yellow jersey goes to the rider who is most likely to use drugs to win the entire race.

The Iranian President strongly criticized his Secret Service at a Cabinet meeting today, complaining that officials had been unable to ferret out the Israeli spy who has “clearly infiltrated the inner circle of Iranian politics.”

After accidentally backing his boat trailer over a squirrel one afternoon, Roger Moseby had no idea he had changed his family vacations forever.

Through a spokes-Loompa, CEO Charlie Bucket – the youngest person ever to head a Fortune 1000 company – announced this morning that Wonka Industries would file for bankruptcy next week, only months after Bucket took charge.

Dubbed “Yogipithicus,” the animal may have walked upright and may have even worn primitive clothing.

“We’re doing what we do best: making the most radical plastic tricycles in the business,” says Rodney Schofield, show creator and star.

Technologically cut off from her friends, Brittany Pujols, a Harvard University undergraduate, suffered a “near-total mental collapse” during the 50th lap of a race at the Atlanta Motor Speedway, according to the examiner’s autopsy report.

“Any assertion that my work is the product of anything more than the random coming-together of subatomic particles is absurd,” Dawkins says.