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Archives
Archive for March, 2012
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Reporters Celebrate First-Ever Pause in News Stories About Greek Debt Crisis
Posted on March 21, 2012 | No CommentsLed by news anchor Deirdre Bolton, Bloomberg journalists danced, blew noisemakers, hugged, kissed and generally had a great time at Bloomberg Headquarters in New York City. -
Goldman Sachs to Buy Greece
Posted on March 20, 2012 | No CommentsTo end the "seemingly never-ending" number of news segments on the financial status of Greece, Goldman Sachs will purchase the entire country, the company's CEO announced today. -
‘That’s Enough Success, Peyton Manning,’ Says God
Posted on March 19, 2012 | No CommentsSaying that he "just can't keep giving him everything," God announced that tomorrow he would end Peyton Manning's success. ... -
Legal Battle Brewing Over Larry Hagman’s Genie
Posted on March 17, 2012 | No CommentsTwo legal powerhouses are currently duking it out in a Los Angeles court today over who will gain ownership of an omnipotent, 3,000-year-old Genie originally discovered by Larry Hagman. ... -
Blake Griffin Forgets He’s A Basketball Player
Posted on March 16, 2012 | No CommentsAfter a recent bump on the head, LA Clippers superstar Blake Griffin left the Staples Center arena and drove immediately to a local soccer stadium, ran onto the field and joined the ongoing game. ... -
Boehner Gives Obama ‘Bunny Ears’ During State of the Union
Posted on March 15, 2012 | No CommentsCritics are calling the actions of the Speaker of the House "juvenile and bizarre." -
Beach Boys Release Oldified Versions of Songs to Kick Off 50th-Anniversary Tour
Posted on March 14, 2012 | No CommentsSome updated titles include "Help Me Rhonda, Help Me Get Up Off Of This Toilet," "Good Defibrillations" and "I Get Around… The Retirement Home." -
Dazed Elderly Woman Ruins Super Bowl Halftime Show
Posted on March 13, 2012 | 1 CommentA visibly-confused elderly woman crashed the Super Bowl half-time show Sunday, managing to sing 12 minutes worth of unknown music before guards escorted her from the field. ... -
U.S. To Greet New North Korean Leader With 32-Ton Candle
Posted on March 12, 2012 | No CommentsNot wanting to be left out of the welcoming celebration, President Barack Obama plans to send North Korean dictator Kim Jong Eun a 260,000 pound, self-igniting gift on New Year's Day 2012. ...