An escaped ape spent most of a cross-country United Airlines flight enjoying first class service before an air marshall escorted him off for violating the national smoking ban.
Flight Attendant Connie Faber said Matumaini — the 400-lb pound gorilla who broke out of a cage in the lower decks — fit right in with the rest of the wealthy patrons in the first class section.
“He was wearing a very fashionable Armani suit,” Faber said. “He selected the appropriate wine to go with his vegetarian meal and he read the Wall Street Journal for most of the flight.”
” How was I supposed to know he was an escaped animal?”
According to other airline employees, Matumaini was “a model passenger” during the six-hour flight from New York City to Los Angeles International Airport.
That is, until Matumaini noticed the no-smoking light once the plane touched down.
“He lit up a Marlboro anyway, and we had to ask him to put it out,” flight captain Arnold Baldwin said. “When he refused, we called the air marshals to remove him, so that the other passengers could leave the plane without ingesting any second-hand smoke.”
As he was led away, Matumaini made hand signals indicating that he would be suing the airline for “all it was worth.”
He then proceeded to throw his own feces at the captain.