Buttfacebook IPO Set For May 16th

Three former college buddies are so confident that their Internet startup, Buttfacebook, will be a success, they’re doing the unthinkable:

Planning an IPO for May 16, the day before social media giant Facebook goes public.

“We know it’s a risky business move,” said Buttfacebook co-founder Freddy Snowfield. “But we want to show people that we have enough faith in our butts as (Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg) has in people’s faces.”

Since its inception, Buttfacebook – which lets users identify friends, family and total strangers by their posteriors – has become the No. 3 most popular site online, according to Quantcast, an internet traffic measuring site.

No. 1 is Facebook and No. 2 is Google.

In a rare interview Monday, the three men explained that they were inspired by the “The Social Network,” the 2010 film about Facebook’s origins, while they were working at a small design firm in Santa Monica.

“After the movie, we got pretty drunk,” said Fredericks, a 24-year-old software designer.

“When someone, I don’t remember who, suggested we go back to the office and photocopy our rear ends and send the copies to Zuckerberg as an homage to his success, we did.”

Fredericks adds, “We had just photocopied the last of our buttocks when Joe said ‘Hey, look, I bet we could identify whose butt is whose!’”

And Buttfacebook was born.

“We debated about it for a while,” says Smith, a 23-year-old web developer, “but Joe won us over when he pointed out that everyone knows Beyoncé, Kim Kardashian and (Secretary of State Hillary) Clinton by their derrieres.”

Since then the three long-time college buddies have been riding a wave of butt-powered success.

According to social media experts, Buttfacebook has become popular because people readily ‘buttfriend’ any butt that they see for fear they might miss one of their friends by mistake and offend someone.”

There’s also the option to “buttlike” someone’s butt profile, as well as their buttstatus updates and their buttpictures.

Social media experts say that the agility with which the average computer distinguishes between butts is the real reason for the success of Buttfacebook.

Mavis Smart, of Smart Solutions Inc. an internet security consulting firm, said, “It is simply a fact that a large number of major companies have turned to Buttfacebook to advertise because the issue of identity theft is non-existent for buttocks.”

Noted neurobiologist, Vinnie Forde, author of the book “Buttlike: Social Media, Technology and Buttfacebook,” agrees that scientific advances have increased popularity of the site.

“Recent scientific discoveries have led to the conclusion that the human buttocks has more identifying marks than the typical human fingerprint. In fact, computers can tell the difference between butts 147 percent  faster,” Forde said. “There is much more to the typical butt than meets the eye.”

Forde added, “Most people have been outside when snow was falling at least once or twice in their lifetimes, and who hasn’t tried to catch a few falling snowflakes on his tongue? Well, just as no two snowflakes are alike, no two human rear-ends are exactly alike. So to remember the principle, just picture yourself out in the snow catching little tiny butts on your tongue instead of snowflakes!”

Forde’s publicist later wrote to the Weasel to apologize for “any unpleasant images” Forde might have put into people’s minds by his metaphor.

However, Buttfacebook’s success has not been all rears and roses.

Facebook has gone to court to stop Buttfacebook’s use of the words “face” and “book” and “like.”

But legal experts don’t expect the suit to lead to an ultimate victory for Facebook, since most people can tell the difference between a human buttocks and a human face when they are searching for a website, except for those  unfortunate individuals afflicted with that rare malady: undifferentiated viseo gluteous maximus ophthalmic syndrome.

“We’ve made some mistakes” Snowfield said. “And sure, hiney-sight—  I mean, hindsight, is 20-20.”

“But we truly believe butts are the future of social media,” Snowfield added. “And we can smell the future from here.”